The splurges after the divorce that helped me find my happy again!

Apr 02 2018
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My splurges just for me after the divorce – how they helped me find my happy again! It’s easy in times such as divorce (and after that REALLY rough winter) to basically do nothing but wallow in your own black cloud. (Don’t get me wrong, I did that too!) But, thanks to my Mom, I’ve always had the attitude that being miserable is pretty damned miserable and, generally, we don’t have to choose misery and the ONLY person who can ruin your life is YOU. During hard times, even when we feel we SHOULD be miserable, we can still, in fact, do some things for ourselves to ease the hell a bit.

So, when the divorce was over, though I was still in dire straights, it turned out with him gone I was actually spending LESS a month then before even though I had to pick up the one household bill he had been paying. Of course I was still in blind-black-horrified-broken-hearted-panic because, Of course I was.

I was looking at a rug on Amazon one day when the skies opened up and I literally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn’t have to ask permission to do (or buy) anything ever again. I didn’t have to worry about what kind of bills I would have next month instead, for the first time, I knew EXACTLY where every single one of my dollars was going. My money was my own again. So, I bought myself a couple of things!

My splurges just for ME after the divorce! New sheets, new bed spread, new hangers for my closet, brand new rug off of Amazon and a case of Surge, a pop from my childhood. There is no reason to me miserable and its ok to buy yourself something once in a while!

I had been drooling over this rug on Amazon for AGES when I realized it was actually quite inexpensive and it was OK to buy myself something I didn’t actually NEED. Turns out, something that makes you smile every day really is something we NEED.

New sheets. My ex was a mason who covered his head in hair gel every morning. The combination of hair gel and rock dust/mortar/dirt meant that all of our pillow cases ended up black and stained. So, now that it was just me, I replaced all of my sheets. I’ve read it in at least a dozen different places online how incredible white sheets are because they make you feel like you’re on vacation in a hotel suite and, ya know what? They do! I love them!!

The only essential oils I ever purchased were those I KNEW I would be using in my household recipes. (Recipes that saved me a bundle instead of buying commercial products.) But I decided to splurge on a oil just for me. Jasmine Essential Oil. It is my absolute favorite – I wear it as a perfume 🙂

Two 50 packs of velvet hangers because I have ALWAYS wanted them but could never bring myself to buy them because my other hangers were working fine. I am SO glad I finally bit the bullet and invested in some decent hangers! These are really inexpensive considering the amount that you get but, honestly, you can’t put a price on your sweaters never falling off the hangers again. I’ve also noticed these hangers are easier on the shoulders of my tops too!

One of the first things I gave away was the black comforter that was given to me/us as a wedding gift. (I just couldn’t bare to look at it anymore.) Yes, I totally got rid of a perfectly good blanket because I didn’t like it! This was given to me for my bday instead!

Two thrift store lamps from two different eras and places get new shades and a paint job that bring them together and create cohesion between them for my master bedroom in chrome spray paint and shiny rustoleum black gloss paint. How to, diy, do it yourself lamp makeover, how to

A 12 pack of Surge Pounders. That’s right I purchased my favorite child hood pop. This chick who NEVER drinks pop and who literally avoids sugar like the plague bought SURGE. I only drink one or two a month lol (because it makes my teeth feel like they’re gonna rot out) but, ya know what? It makes me happy because, at least to me, Surge is my most silly splurge!

One of my biggest splurges though was when I gave myself permission to either throw away or donate perfectly decent items simply because I never wanted to see them again (or would simply NEVER use them.) It was incredibly freeing. Anything I didn’t like or want in my home anymore I simply gave it away or changed it or fixed it. And when I went to replace so many of the small items that he took with him I made darned sure that I got a far nicer version then the one he took!

One Sunday morning I didn’t get out of bed until 1 in the afternoon, it may have been one of the happiest mornings of my life! I stood on my new rug and it occurred to me that, for the first time since my ex and I got together, I could even think about traveling again. It was the true start of my becoming BLISSFULLY HAPPY… and it all started with the purchase of one little rug simply because it made me smile.

My splurges just for ME after the divorce! New sheets, new bed spread, new hangers for my closet, brand new rug off of Amazon and a case of Surge, a pop from my childhood. There is no reason to me miserable and its ok to buy yourself something once in a while!

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44 Comments

  1. April 2, 2018 at 8:49 am

    Love this post. It’s packed with excellent advice and thoughts for anyone who finds themselves living solo again.

  2. April 2, 2018 at 2:56 pm

    Tarah, sounds like you’re moving forward quite sensibly, actually! Wishing you much happiness.

    • April 2, 2018 at 3:07 pm

      Thank you Jean, hope you had a lovely holiday!

  3. April 2, 2018 at 5:26 pm

    Good for you! I think it’s the whole thing of what brings you joy? Also letting go of the old, man personally I would have burned that bed! That would be my release 🙂 Ya know the old hell hath no fury bit. Anyway, good for you, you work so incredibly hard, you deserve it 🙂

    • April 3, 2018 at 9:07 am

      lol Oh Nancy I thought about getting rid of the bed too but dangit, its a temper pedic and weighs 200 pounds AND I paid for it lol Otherwise I would have totally thrown it! Thanks for commenting 🙂

  4. liz
    April 3, 2018 at 7:11 am

    So wonderful that you are doing things that make you happy-and feeling good about it! I have a set of white sheets that I only use when my husband travels -they make me feel amazing. Moving on is difficult, but you seem to be handling it pretty good – congratulations and keep doing what makes you happy!

  5. April 3, 2018 at 8:04 am

    You have a new bedroom to go with that new life of yours! Horray!! And I am absolutely with you on taking a trip and enjoying yourself! You so deserve this!

  6. Kathie
    April 3, 2018 at 9:09 am

    being happy again is the sweetest revenge, wouldn’t you say??? love your blog and i’m even a grandma myself!

    • April 3, 2018 at 9:19 am

      Kathie, for sure! I’m so relieved to be on the other side of it all, its kinda sad to say that I’ve never been happier then when I kicked him out of my life but its true! Thanks for coming by and commenting 🙂

  7. April 3, 2018 at 11:12 am

    I LOVE your positivity through such a difficult time! I’m glad that you are slowly mending and doing things for YOU and your happiness!

    • April 3, 2018 at 11:17 am

      Thank you so much Natalie, have a wonderful week!

  8. Tina W
    April 3, 2018 at 5:27 pm

    It’s been over 10 years since I got my own place and bought myself a big set of fantastic ORANGE velvet hangers. I still smile every single time I lift one off the closet rod. I thought it was an act of renewal, turns out they were a great damn investment!

    • April 4, 2018 at 8:26 am

      Oh Tina thanks so much for sharing that with me! I’ve read it in several places that you will never regret buying decent hangers, they’re better for your clothes and everything, I love mine! Thanks for coming by 🙂

  9. April 3, 2018 at 5:45 pm

    Life moves forward… even after divorce, process all the hurt & heal…& sometimes its the littke things like a rug that can help us do this!

    Mine was to go & sit in a cafe on my own, go to the cinema on my own & walk along the beach with the wind in my face & dance in the waves! 🙂

    You’re most welcome to drop by for a cup of inspiration.
    Jennifer

    • April 4, 2018 at 8:28 am

      Jennifer, thank you so much for sharing that with me! I’ve been doing all kinds of things, going out to eat, the movies etc. Everything I was never able to do when my ex was in my life, its such a good reminder of why this was so entirely the right decision. Have a wonderful week!

  10. April 3, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    That carpet is gorgeous and good for you!!! Retail therapy really does help, because it gives you a sense of control again. So happy for you.

    • April 4, 2018 at 8:27 am

      Thank you Leanna! Have a great weekend!

  11. April 4, 2018 at 11:45 am

    Good for you. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in life that we forget how good it feels to do something just for us. Congratulations on finding your happy. (and I love that rug…)
    Thank you for joining The Really Crafty Link Party this week.

  12. April 5, 2018 at 8:03 am

    Great post, looks like you got some great stuff. I can see how replacing some things that had bad memories would be helpful and healing after going through divorce.

    Leah @ Confessions of Parenting

    • April 5, 2018 at 8:28 am

      Thanks Leah, have a great weekend!

  13. April 5, 2018 at 7:14 pm

    God bless you for hanging in there, getting through it and finding your happy again, in some simple things! May everyday bring you some small joy!

  14. April 5, 2018 at 7:34 pm

    Loved this post! And I’m so glad you’ve treated yourself and that you’re finding joy again. I think the little things that bring a smile to our faces are the things that really make life special. Keep moving forward and I’m really enjoying visiting your blog each week.

    Leanne | http://www.crestingthehill.com.au
    F for Family and Friends

    • April 6, 2018 at 8:46 am

      Thank you so much Leanne, have a great weekend!

  15. Jann Olson
    April 5, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    Sometimes people that go through a hard time need a little something to help them get through. Thanks for sharing with SYC.
    hugs,
    Jann

    • April 6, 2018 at 8:47 am

      Thanks Jann! Have a great weekend!

  16. April 6, 2018 at 1:21 am

    Out with the old, in with the new… Great post. I found myself smiling as I read it and could hear how free and happy you are! #ThatFridayLinky

    • April 6, 2018 at 8:49 am

      Thank you so much Tash, have a great weekend!

  17. April 6, 2018 at 2:57 am

    An excellent post! I don’t normally read divorce posts as they make me sad! But I was drawn in by the lovely rug! And I’m so glad I popped by. I found reading about your rediscovery of ‘just you’ really uplifting and motivating. #thatfridaylinky

    • April 6, 2018 at 8:51 am

      Thank you so much Martina, its been a rough road but I feel like I’m really getting there! Have a great weekend!

  18. April 6, 2018 at 7:21 am

    Personally, I think too often as women, we get that martyr brain going and feel like we’re called to lives of perpetual sacrifice and denial. WRONG! A little pampering/splurging/indulging can go a long way in sustaining us. Enjoy your new gifts to yourself!

    • April 6, 2018 at 8:52 am

      Thank you Alice, you are SO right!

  19. April 6, 2018 at 9:53 am

    So I had NO idea you were going through divorce! I’ve been reading your blog for almost two years now and here I missed out.
    I am sorry because I know what it’s like. I went through a divorce back in 2003 and it was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced.
    But you are right about treating yourself. I did that and never felt bad about it.
    That rug looks like this cool flooring I have seen in small rooms as of late! I love it so much.

    • April 6, 2018 at 10:18 am

      Kari thank you so much. Yes, it was definitely one of the roughest things I have ever got through in my life, but, I am finally coming to the other side now and things are so much better then they ever were before. Have a wonderful weekend!

  20. April 11, 2018 at 4:33 pm

    That is a great rug! Thanks for sharing at Home Sweet Home!

    • April 12, 2018 at 9:14 am

      Thank you Sherry, have a wonderful week!

  21. April 12, 2018 at 8:44 am

    You go for it Tarah!!! This is your time, enjoy every single second of finding you again. You are absolutely special in every way and you deserve it

    • April 12, 2018 at 9:20 am

      Oh thank you so much Michelle!

  22. Julie
    April 14, 2018 at 1:32 pm

    I know exactly what you mean! When I finally divorced after 22 years, I bought a Mission style futon, lovely end tables in the Mission style and other items that he would never have appreciated. Good for you!!!

    • April 16, 2018 at 8:48 am

      Thank you Julie, it is wonderful to be able to get a few things just for ourselves to help us move on and heal!

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