August 2023 – Wrapping my head around THE SPOT

Aug 27 2023
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This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard. It is very sweet and coming from a good place. I don’t doubt the yard bothers him as well and he’s seen me just standing there staring at THE SPOT about a thousand times at this point. Because I do stare at it. In fact I’ve found myself spending a probably weird amount of “too-much-time” standing there just staring at it. It breaks my brain honestly. I’m sure he thinks I’m staring because I’m sad but that doesn’t actually feel like the case anymore.

The barn was there all of my life.

It not being there is profoundly confusing to me.

I guess I’m stumped.

I’m totally in a funk.

I get home from work like normal, feed the horse and then stare at THE SPOT.

I’ve literally just gone up there and wandered around like the dirt is going to tell me the missing puzzle piece of information that my head apparently needs. I just can’t figure it out.

Maybe I just need more time to get used to it.

Lodi ran over to a local antique store and surprised me with some things to brighten the place up one morning.

Some signs for fun to hang on the side of our horse shed and even a steel peacock for up by the spigot in THE SPOT. And a large steel sunflower over by our silo. It did make me feel better and it all is certainly so fitting and pretty for our yard.

He also had our first load of black dirt dropped off and spread out over the area.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

With how dry and dead everything became this summer just getting that sand covered up with that beautiful black dirt looks so much better.

We did finally get a little rain at the end of August 2023 but too little too late might be an understatement.

August brings me my favorite month of the year, I love the dog days where it sometimes feels like we go whole weeks where the only thing that moves is the sun.

Our tiger lilies become riotous, practically neon, that just expand and get more ridiculous year after year.

I really look forward to them!

While everything else is beginning to wind down those tiger lilies bloom like there’s no tomorrow.

As expected my vegetable gardening this year produced a lot less than last year as I majorly downsized into containers.

August 2023 I was OK with that though as, we may have downsized, but we still got a wonderful harvest of herbs and tomatoes! Our basil, sage, oregano and thyme did so well I’ve frozen a lot of it and look forward to using it this winter.

We also got a few meals out of fresh green beans, peas and carrots though my cucumbers had a weird year.

Our perennial day lilies with their unique “crimpled” look did incredibly well along with our blue star balloon flowers.

It really makes my heart kind of burst remembering when I first got here all those years ago and being just thrilled to see one or two blooms.

But, over time and with care, all of my Grandma’s perennials have really spread and are doing so much better!

Despite the funk I’ve been in I did manage (with help) to get some pictures taken of my old horse Garcia that has been on our to-do list for the last couple of years.

I’ll admit I was putting it off because it was so obvious we were taking them because he’s old and he won’t be with us forever… which is all kinds of depressing especially with the barn gone now too.

My Mom dug out some old pictures of us from way back for comparison and my gosh he’s still so beautiful.

(Forgive the poor quality of the old pictures, I was taking pictures of pictures lol remember when we used to get film developed?)

2023 – ages 32 and 37
1998 – ages 7 and 12

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

This August 2023 it became clear to me that Lodi is desperately trying to make me feel better about the missing barn in our yard.

Comments

  1. Susanne
    August 28, 2023 at 11:12 am

    Aww! The pictures of you and your horse are so beautiful:)

    Reply

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