Tearing off the Fake Rock and Stucco – Finally Fixing my Home!

Tearing off the incorrectly installed rock and 100 year old stucco. I have to fix my house and put up new siding. I’ve reached a defcon level 18 emergency – Its not just the rock that’s falling off that’s making me so stressed that this HAD TO BE DONE THIS SUMMER ASAP. Its not even the fact that I know I’m probably getting water damage too. There is actually one other thing that made it absolutely paramount that I get this done as soon as possible. My ex didn’t fix the stucco behind the rock or the rotting old wood behind that. He just slapped the fake stone up, no flashing, no prep – NOTHING. So mice have made a highway into my house.

DISCLAIMER: I know this post coming out in November is really weird. But us northerners only have so many decent days for outdoor work so, to catch you guys up on everything I got done here this summer, its gonna take awhile! So, here is my lovely August yard lol

The rock is literally just FALLING off my house.

Every time I’ve slammed my front door I’ve heard another piece drop! Its like my house was molting!

Fortunately he only covered about half of all of the stucco so that’s less rock for me to move. (I guess in this case his laziness was a blessing in disguise lol.)

With the rock falling off critters of all sizes have just been coming right in through the 100 year old stucco and rotting house.

One afternoon I had a chip monk walk by me so casually in my living room that I swear he said, “I’m going to the kitchen, you want anything while I’m up?” TWICE I’ve been in the basement with a broom arguing with a red squirrel.

I love little critters. I love my raccoons, my chip monks, my ermines, my squirrels and, yes, even my field mice. I have no interest in hurting or killing anything if I don’t have to… But I had an ungodly, truly horrifying, absolutely disgusting, mouse infestation.

I put out traps and caught EIGHT mice the first night in my kitchen. I felt like an awful person but I was also totally creeped out to my core. I’m not a squeamish chicka by any means but: OHMYGOD!!!!!!!.

I killed them all. It was Mousageddon.

I finally got some peace but not for good, of course, I have to keep traps out all the time. (Own a house they said… it’ll be fun they said….) I literally went through every single corner and space in my entire home and disinfected and washed EVERYTHING. If it was a cardboard box chances were I found a mouse nest in it.

I washed every single dish, glass and pan and I sprayed out the inside of my cabinets with vinegar after vacuuming them out – I get nauseous just thinking about it.

So, for two years now (since I threw my ex out) I knew I HAD to get rid of the fake rock, rip off the stucco and fix my house and replace it all. Fortunately, I ordered several boxes of extra siding when I purchased it for my house and garage. I even have extra house wrap! So, except for screws, flashing and J-channel this isn’t going to cost me much!

… Well, ya know, if my time is worth nothing …

The fake rock came off just by tapping on it… the real labor was moving it (it weighs a lot… it is concrete after all) and it really REALLY beat me up. Friends of mine had a use for it so all I had to do was make a pile and wave that shit goodbye.

The old chicken wire stuff that’s really sharp and gives the stucco something to stick to was like carrying a torture device around and left me with what will become several new scars.

My mom stopped by and found her dirty, sweaty daughter curled up in a fetal position in the yard.
Mom: Is this what winning looks like?
Me: Yeah
Mom: Do you want me to get you a beer?
Me: Yeah

It was really just an awful, shitty job, made ten times worse by also having to remove and move that damn fake stone and at least 100 pounds of mortar. Three blisters, lots of lost skin and no small amount of blood and sweat, I tackled it like I was storming an enemy beach head!

And I made a TREMENDOUS mess in my yard!

I started with my biggest hammer, my magic bar and my big crow bar… and I actually ended up with my pickax which I used almost exclusively. At the best of times the stucco came off like a skin, in the worst of times I felt like Andy in the Shawshank Redemption literally hacking away an inch at a time. All in, over three days, and the use of every single swear word in existence, I ripped the last of it off!

I heard the ghost of my ex mentioning a hole in the back south/west corner that was “not a big deal, stone and mortar will fix it” so I expected that corner to be the worst and probably where the entrance to my mouse highway was.

I had absolutely no idea how bad it really was.

I’m lucky I didn’t have raccoons in my basement!

I replaced all the rotting wood that I found and filled every hole with steel wool. I was talking to my house the whole time, “Oh girl I’m SO sorry, let’s get you all fixed up!”

This job is going to be one of those landmarks for me. I’m going to be in the dentist chair and a voice is going to pop up in the back of my head, “Ya know that rock your ex put up that you had to rip off because he was too lazy to ever do a job right? Yeah, the dentist isn’t too bad now is it Chicka? Just lay back and enjoy the nice comfy chair!”

Life really is all about perspective… I got the flashing and house wrap up that weekend too so I am now officially ready for NEW SIDING!

IT WORKED GUYS, THIS REALLY WAS THE HIGHWAY MY MICE WERE COMING IN AT! I NO LONGER HAVE ANY CRITTER PROBLEMS!