September 2025 – I just want to go to bed for a week
September 2025 – This has not been a good month for me here at Grandma’s house. In fact it may be one of the worst months of my life. On August 30th Lodi was arrested for domestic assault and driving while under the influence. The state filed a domestic abuse no contact order against him on my behalf. He was in jail for three days before he saw a judge. He cannot come near me. Cannot go near the house or where I work. He can’t even contact me in any way even through a third party. He lost his license and thus lost his CDL so also lost his job.
It’s been an exhausting road, and honestly, the stress of everything falling apart has taken a massive toll on me physically. I’ve realized that when your life is in survival mode, your body reacts in ways you can’t always control with just ‘willpower’ or a better diet.
I’ve been reading a lot lately about the connection between chronic stress and metabolic health, including how GLP-1 medications are helping people get their systems back on track when their bodies have been through the ringer. It’s just another reminder that taking care of ourselves—especially after a trauma—sometimes requires looking at the actual science of recovery.
I’m not writing this post to bash my husband. I love him. I stayed with him, lied and covered bruises for years.
He is not well. He was dealt major trauma and was diagnosed with PTSD from his years serving in the Army.
I hope he will finally get some help.
Unfortunately though the help the VETs get in this country is kind of a joke…
I did everything I needed to do and now I’m just sitting here wondering what to do with myself now. I took him off my cards, opened a new checking account in my name only and closed all others. I changed the locks and talked to an attorney to start moving toward getting a divorce.
Though I seriously can’t afford an attorney…
Our relationship has been on the rocks for awhile now, I even had the paperwork filled out and ready to be signed a couple of months ago. My poor face really wishes I had just gotten it done…
I feel like such an idiot.
As soon as Lodi made bail he went to the bank and withdrew everything he could (30k) on a second mortgage we had open as a line of credit on the house. He took every penny.
I saw a quote online that entirely sums me up, “If you’re gonna be dumb then you’re gonna need to be tough.” I’m going to have to smarten up here at some point – my tough is seriously wearing out.
I can’t believe I didn’t think about freezing the accounts before he had the chance to take it all. I mentioned that to my best friend and she said, “Of course you didn’t think of that. YOU would never do that to anyone!”
She’s right.
Doesn’t change how embarrassed and dumb I feel though.
I was taught young that you don’t air you’re dirty laundry to the public.
Yeah, well, I have a literal job here where I write about my day to day life so if he wanted me to write well of him than he should have behaved better… the majority of this post is public information anyway.
The no contact order allowed him to come back to the house one time with a sheriff’s escort but he certainly didn’t get all of his things so I guess I’ll have to pack the rest up myself at some point. He was only allowed “essentials” so he got the majority of his clothes, shoes, coats etc.
It was surreal and absolutely awful.
He didn’t even ask about his dog so I guess little Link is mine now.
My cousin was with me and the sheriff didn’t let Lodi out of his sight which did help a lot. I was still shaking though.
Lodi hired an attorney but its going to be months before this actually goes before a judge and he gets tried and/ or convicted of anything.
There is no future for us after this. My family has been seeing the abuse and drama for years and never wants to see him again. Fair enough and I agree.
I’m so disappointed.
There was no reason we couldn’t have been happy in this little life we had.
He made almost four times more money than me. Doing our taxes last year I almost divorced him then. We pay the same every month – split our bills 50/50. Leaving him with literal thousands in extra every month.
He kept his own account that I never saw. I cannot fathom how he wouldn’t have tons of savings.
I have none of course. Splitting the bills 50/50 was just about all I had every month. This isn’t the first time I’ve been financially abused but the fact that I allowed it again is humiliating.
Good news: the bills have already gone down a lot without him here. I’ll be ok.
Bad news: no amount of lawyers or legality will ever force Lodi to pay that 30k back. (He knows I’ll pay it because I won’t default on my home.)
My lawyer’s comment was, “You can’t get blood out of a stone.” Yeah a judge could order him to pay it back, but that doesn’t mean he will. And then I would be out the couple thousand it would cost me to go to civil court.
Getting myself fed, showered and to work every day is about all I have in me at the moment…
I just want to go to bed forever.
(Being a blogger is so fricking weird sometimes. Like I’m really sitting here trying to figure out what pictures to add to this post?!? No the lilies are much too happy for this subject maybe I should go with dead trees in winter… *head hits desk* I am so done.)
I am so very sorry you are going through this! Please don’t give up! You will get through this and be better in your next chapter! Please be careful and take care of yourself. You are loved by many. My prayers and good vibes are being sent to you. bless you, sweetheart.
Thank you so much hon!
I’m so sorry to hear this, Tarah. If you can find a support group for domestic violence victims, I would urge you to join. Other people who have been there can help more than anyone else.
Praying you find some peace.
Jeannie, thank you so very much.
Easy to say and so very hard to do but just keep on breathing, love. It will get better even if that is so slow you don’t notice. If you can’t manage one day at a time, aim for just 30 minutes If prayers will help you , you are on my nightly list
Ann in UK
One day at a time, thank you so much Ann for your words <3
I am so sorry to read this week’s post. Like most of your readers, I had no idea anything was wrong. I was so hopeful you would continue to work together and post the progress you were making on your home and am very sad it didn’t work out for you.
Please stay strong, continue writing and working and I will keep my fingers crossed for your future.
Thank you so much Nicola <3 <3 <3
My heart aches for you! I handled divorces for folks for many years and although I have heard it all, it never gets easier to hear the physical pain and the heart ache others go thru. Somewhere along the way we all learn that we are not the ones who can fix the mental and emotional problems that our loved ones have. You were loyal, patient, kind and supportive all along the way….a good person/partner. That can’t be taken away if you believe in yourself. Stay strong and lean on the ones you trust and who love you.
It is truly a crime and a shame that the VA isn’t there in all aspects for our Veterans!!
Thank you so much Maybeth <3 <3 <3
Tarah,
I’m so sorry to hear this, I put you in my prayers and under my cross.
Lord surround Tarah with your white light of goodness, protect her
make her strong. In Jesus name, Amen
Nancy
Thank you Nancy for your words and prayers <3
Thankful you are healing. Prayers for your strength as you navigate this disturbing period. You are a smart strong woman.
Thank you so much Teresa!
I’ve never left a comment before. I feel for you and pray for you going forward. You are strong! You have this! Its only money. You are still here with us.
Melody, thank you so much <3
Tarah, there are no words. Just know that that was the last time anyone will beat you around. You’ll never let that happen to you again. I was in your shoes when I was younger. All you have to do now is pick your self up and live your life with what makes you happy. Its hard to hear right now but you CAN do it.
Cheryl, thank you so very much <3
Tarah,
I’m so sorry to read this post. I really hoped that finally things were working out for you relationship wise.
Please don’t beat yourself up for finding yourself in a second abusive relationship.
I’m a lot older than you (68 years old), I was in an abusive marriage for 10 years from 1982 and he finally left, having almost cost me the sight of my right eye.
I met my soul mate, though I was very reluctant to first risk a friendship with this lovely man. Over time, I took the risk of us living together, and I said NO when he proposed after we’d been together for 15 years. He asked again, and I said yes. Sadly, he died while we were planning our wedding. I was devastated and vowed never to get involved with anyone again.
I did meet someone and we got married, it wasn’t until after his death, 3 years after our marriage, that I was able to realise how abusive he had been.
I was very hard on myself about having been duped twice.
I’d had an abusive childhood on every level, and my first marriage confirmed that it was what I deserved.
My second almost marriage taught me that my thinking was wrong, and I thought I was okay.
Because David was ill with Parkinson’s and 12 years older than me, I ignored so many warning signals. I gave him leeway because of his illness (I’m disabled, in a wheelchair – but that didn’t count for either of us).
Now, I’m alone with my adorable GSD Assistance (Service) dog and my cats. I’m learning to forgive myself and be my own best friend.
Tarah, as you take time to heal on every level my thoughts and best wishes are with you, be gentle with yourself.
Lucy, Netley Abbey, England
Lucy, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. Sending my hugs all the way from the US! <3 <3 <3
Sometimes we don’t see the warning signs. Sometimes times we think love can cure everything. Sometimes we maintain a relationship because we say “But he/she is a good person deep down” so we stick it out for way too long waiting, with hope, for the good side to overcome the bad side. Sometimes we don’t want to admit we made a really bad mistake…again. Sometimes we’re a good,if somewhat naive, person who always sees the best in others or see the person they could be.
I’m wishing for you the space and peace to get to a better place. Sending you a virtual hug.
<3 <3 <3 Thank you Kim
Tarah, my heart aches for you. You are a survivor! Don’t feel stupid. Bad things happen to good people. I married 2X to the “wrong” men. I know your pain and sorrow. Hugs dear girl.
Hugs to you Linda, thank you so much <3 <3 <3
I am so sorry that you are going through this, Tarah! You strike me as a very strong woman who has met lots of challenges in life and, while this is a big one, you seem determined to do it! I pray you have lots of support and love surrounding you as you move through this all – hold on to your people through it all! Holding you in my thoughts and prayers!
Thank you so much Laura <3 <3 <3
Tarah,
I am so very sorry that this has happened to you…please stop putting yourself down and stop feeling stupid…I know it is hard but it is what you need to do to gain the strength and fortitude that you need to move on..What you are going through is almost like what one goes through when a spouse dies and you find out certain things about your finances that you never knew…Like you have a Sears Mastercard with a huge balance on it that you apparently signed for, that you were taking a mere $20 a month for spending money in retirement while he was taking over #200 a month for himself and that he was spending much more on lottery tickets than you ever imagined..I know you are disappointed and even hurt by all this and believe me, I understand that the man you loved was not the man you thought or that you hoped he was…You are on the right track with everything that you have done so far. Please do not be afraid to ask for help because you can not shoulder this alone…BUT you will be fine and much better off….And please remember to give yourself grace when you need it…Take care of yourself!!
Many Hugs,
Deb
Debbie-Dabble Blog
Thank you so much Debbie <3 <3 <3
I am so sorry to hear this has happened to you, Tarah. You will get through this with the support of your friends and family. One step at a time. One day at a time. Be kind to yourself and preserve your peace.
Thank you Ann *hugs*
This is awful, I am so sorry to read about what you’re going through. All I can do – pray for you. Take care.
Thank you Esme <3
Tarah,
I read this post with so much sadness. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I have also read all the comments, and I am delighted that you are so well-loved here in your online community. Like the others, I am sending you virtual hugs and hope you are truly feeling all the love. Please keep us updated, as we are all rooting for you!! xxxx
Thank you so much Libbie, you all help tremendously! *hugs*
Tarah, I am so sorry to hear about this happening to you and you are very brave to talk about it publicly. One thing I have noticed about you as I have followed your blog for many years is how strong you are both mentally and physically, and I know that you have a supportive family! This is a very hard thing, but I know that you will eventually come out of it and have a happy life again. In the meantime, my prayers are with you, as I know many others are there with you as well. Never feel that you are alone as you go through this trial. We are all rooting for you!
Thank you so very much Helen!
I am heartbroken for you and what you have endured. I’m sure there is nothing that I can say that will make you feel better, only time can do that (and maybe seeing karma hit its target lol. Sorry, my daughter recently went thru a similar situation). I will pray for you and when you are ready, you make the best life ever!
Thank you so much! <3
Tarahlynn,
My heart is breaking for you. I know this can be one of the most painful experiences a woman walks through. I want you to know that I am asking God to wrap His loving arms around you to give you strength, courage and peace. I will be praying for you everymorning when I have my prayer and meditation time. Don’t give up, just keep walking just one hour, one day at a time. Looks like you have an amazing support group, you are not alone!
Sending you love and many prayers,
Miz Helen
Thank you so much Helen <3 <3 <3
Awww. I haven’t been on your blog in a while but was not happy about what you’ve been going through. IT just sucks!! However, I’m glad you posted as I will put you in my prayer box. Sending love and prayers to you. Linda
Thank you so much Linda *hugs*
Wow. I just popped in to see what you were up to and read your post. I’m so sorry you went through that. I was in an abusive relationship at one point know what you’re going through on some level although mine luckily was shorter. At least you were able to get some accounts closed so he couldn’t wipe you out of everything. You definitely were on the financial abuse end with paying 50/50 when he was out earning you. I’ve never heard of a married couple doing that. But if he was really controlling I get it . Hopefully you can maybe get something set up on the $30,000 and Dock his earnings or file a lien or something?
I worked for the VA and depending on where he live and depending on which facilities are close that he could get to there are actually some really great Services there. But people also have to want to change and get treatment. If they don’t it’s a lost cause. And others will suffer. I’m so sorry for everything you went through. Hang in there! Take care of yourself and be really safe. Personally I would sell all of his stuff and get the money out of it as pay back for that 30 grand! Keep a list of what you sold and for how much and deduct it from what he owes you. Just a thought. You might contact a legal aid office, they’re usually run by the state or the county and see if you qualify for some free legal services? If not there they might have some other ideas for you.
Nancy I’m so excited /relieved to say that I did qualify for a lawyer! Never thought I’d be excited to not earn very much… Regardless though I am so very relieved. All I know about the VA was second hand from my ex so now that you’re mentioning the help they offer I shouldn’t at all be surprised that he wasn’t being honest with me. I know they called him at least weekly because they were VERY worried about his mental state. He tried medication once but hated how it made him feel but never tried out other medications like the VA was encouraging him to do. Thank you so much for your kind comment and support. The love I’ve been receiving here on the blog is absolutely helping mend my heart. I was very alone in that relationship and often was made to feel entirely at fault for everything which I know is so typical… Thank you again <3 <3 <3
I’m just seeing this and I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am. If you don’t have cameras outside on all sides, please get them. I’ve heard so many stories about restraining orders not being enough. I’m sorry about the 30K and she’s right, YOU never would’ve thought to do that which is why you didn’t think of that.
Having worked for atty’s before, I don’t like the fact they said “can’t get blood from a stone.” Maybe not but you CAN get a judgment and potentially garnish any wages in the future to recover any portion of it. Record of that kind of wrongdoing speaks toward any potential court case in the future. A good lawyer would look into that for you so don’t be afraid to talk to another one if you feel they’re not working for your best interest.
Oh Annie, thank you so much, yes I have a different lawyer now and looking at everything I’m definitely going to talk to him about that. It seems insane that he should be able to walk away with so much and then I’d have to pay it back.
I am so sorry to hear that you have suffered with this man and that he has taken so much from you. I know it is hard to do, but remember there are brighter days ahead. You will not be beaten again, you have your beautiful home that you have worked so hard for, and you are well loved by your family and your blogger family.
Thank you so much Carol, every day gets a little bit better <3